fredag 25 februari 2011
but you live.
you won’t regret the good days.
and the pain will pass,
even though it feels like it won't ever.
you think you’ll never meet anyone as good,
that you’ve lost your whole world,
because this boy was your world.
but you will survive,
and grow stronger,
you will always remember,
he’ll always be there,
in your heart,
but one day someone will take his place,
someone even more perfect,
someone that’s entirely prefect for you.
I thought of that week yesterday,
the week after you left me,
I really don't remember much,
it's pretty black those days.
I remember lying on the floor,
tired of all the tears,
tired of the hurt.
I didn't know half of why you'd left then,
maybe I was better off,
maybe that would had been unbearable.
I remember crying myself to sleep every night,
nothing really mattered,
and I hated myself for doing all this to myself,
all this for a boy?!
Life had been so wonderful,
I didn't and still don't regret what we had,
cause that was the best summer of my life,
and I learnt to love.
I mostly think of those nice days,
every memory dressed in a shimmery light,
But sometimes I remember those days,
the memories carrying a dim gray feeling,
I never knew something like that could give such physical pain,
I didn't believe broken hearts could actually feel like someone had literally broken your heart, stabbed it and crushed it.
I laid on my bedroom floor after you'd left,
my hands pressed to my chest.
I miss you sometimes,
but it's a long time ago now,
I get mad at myself because when I'm really sad,
when I have no one to turn to,
I think of you.
It will never be the same,
I don't hate you for what happened,
but I would never let myself go back to you,
cause the hurt scares me,
and all thrust is gone.
Closing my eyes I remember,
remember the days where every day felt like taken from a movie
I remember driving your scoter,
you stering from behind,
I was so very happy.
I remember me lying on the floor with you topless ontop of me,
the summer sun slipping through the window,
the yellowie light in the room,
your curly hair in your face.
I remember sitting on the pier,
sun in my eyes,
tilting my head while watching you smile.
I remember going shopping,
you held my hand,
I felt so lucky,
you were mine and no one elses.
Those days are long gone,
it really was like a movie,
love, drama, happiness,
but as soon as the cameras were turned of,
when the time was up,
onsdag 23 februari 2011
those days when I didn't know,
I promise I could've killed you,
killed you for making me wait,
for driving me crazy,
for making me catch my breath,
for making my heart race.
I promise I could've killed you,
killed you for making my days seem long,
for having you in every part of my brain,
for making me shake like a leaf,
for making my heart beat faster and faster.
Now, all my thoughts of wanting to kill you
for doing all of this is gone,
like the wind blows away the leaf I once was.
I remember the eyes,
the curly dark hair,
I couldn't kill you ever if I wanted,
cause that'd be suicide...
I had this freak out where I started tidying my room,
rearranging my furniture and couldn't sit down for a minute,
when I at last sat down my body was shaking.
And then suddenly my phone makes a buzzing noise,
"how about coffee?"
And just like that I could breathe again,
I could think,
and I was happy.
I wonder why I freak out,
it's not that I didn't know he'd text.
I sometimes really don't understand myself...
tisdag 22 februari 2011
I lost my breath yesterday,
it's sick really,
he hadn't texted and I think I panicked
crazy I know,
it's just that I lost it,
I never lose it.
And it's probably nothing
so I don't see why I'm freaking out
we've just meet,
we've texted once each,
and now i'm panicking.
I really need to relax,
think of something else,
but I can only think of how happy i'd be if I only got one text,
just one showing that he actually means what he says
I can't do my homework,
this is really stupid,
I'll watch Gilmore Girls or something
though I'll regret it cause my homework needs to be done,
We're playing a game,
and it's killing me.
A day ago and I didn't even know you,
now I can't even get you of my mind.
This game is crazy,
it's driving me crazy
isn't this the excitement?
the thing keeping everything interesting.
But I can't stop thinking of those dark curls in your face,
the dark hair on your chin,
the blue eyes...
oh I miss that smile.
Why do I have to wait,
not knowing if we'll meet again?
This game is crazy,
why would anyone sane do this to themselves?
I hate it,
I absolutely hate it,
it drives me completely crazy!
Has he suddenly changed his mind?
Did I say something wrong?
Did he get my text?
Why do I do this to myself?!
I can't even concentrate,
and my heart races up and down,
why do we do this?
Why is this necessary?
I don't understand...
måndag 21 februari 2011
There's a new bus boy.
He's tall, dark curly hair and dark eyes,
but maybe that was just the lack of light,
they may be blue.
The bus broke down in the middle of the night,
and there he was.
I wasn't supposed to go out that night,
and I was supposed to go home early if I did decide to go out,
and when time got late i was supposed to sleep at a friends house,
and still I ended up on that bus early in the morning.
Sometimes I do wonder if everything is a coincidence
or if faith really exicts?
tisdag 15 februari 2011
i've been working two days in a row now,
it's been great, i've had so much fun!
Yesterday the firealarm went on the floor above us
because someone decided to burn up a bun in the microwave,
and me and my two workmates hurried out to the hallway
to see the firemen run up the staricase,
we missed them but decided to wait until they came running down.
When four VERY fit goodlooking firemen came down the stairs
the had big smiles on their faces,
i guess the other nurses in the apartment had quite an similar idea to our ;)
söndag 13 februari 2011
His hair is dark,
so is his eyes,
every time I meet those eyes i lose it,
I don't flirt,
I always flirt,
but I can't,
maybe it's because this time I have something to lose.
he's funny, but seems a bit lost,
but he's oh so nice,
but maybe he's just a dream,
all his beauty lies in the distance between us,
the not knowing,
maybe when revealing ourselfs,
to each other,
the beauty disapears?
But for now,
Stomach meet butterflies...
lördag 12 februari 2011
I broke a boy today,
I'd understand if he hates me,
I'd probably hate me too,
but I really didn't mean to hurt him,
there was just something missing,
there's always something missing.
Wish I could find that missing part in some boy,
some boy who'll be my everything...
so tell me why is love so complicated?
people tell me the world is cruel, that you'll meet people, boys who hurt you.
but i've meet so many nice people. so many nice boys
i wish i could love, because even though i like them i never fall
why dont i fall?
maybe that's good, not getting hurt, but will i ever experiance love?
i'd like to love,
really love someone
opening my heart so much i'd break when i get hurt
not that i want to get hurt
just that i'd want to love,
find somebody who becomes my whole world,
my whole exictance.
Is that weird?